I still cry.

I went out to my garage today to put some pictures away that I found of Emma, Tammys daughter. (Tammy, my little sis that passed away this summer.) I picked up one of her photo albums to put the pictures in and started looking though it briefly. It was a baby book that she had started for Emma, there were cute little comments and memories of her birth written, but the book was unfinished. I put the pictures in and closed it up and put it away.

It was then that I was struck by a great sadness. I knew that this book would never be finished for Emma, that her mother had tried to do it all, but her life was cut too short. She probably thought she had all the time in the world to do it for her daughter. Now she cant.

I cried breifly, pulled myself together and went inside.
I think that is one of the things that is so hard about her dying. She left so much unfinished and left her little 6 year old here. I am sad, It is just so sad. I worry about Emma and pray that she is doing ok. I think she, is but I want her to be doing super, have all the happiness in the world. I cry for her sadness and loss, for mine too. I am overwhelmed by these waves of grief and pain.

I have found that writing this blog has helped me in this process of grief. I get to lay my feelings and thoughts out and put words to all the emotions, this helps me heal, I cry as I write, ball my head off, tears fall on my hands as I type. It is good for me, so therapetutic to get it out there and start to heal. Thanks for reading and trying to understand the sadness I feel.

Mourning is hard.

I am so happy though, I really am, I love my life, my family, the way my world is going. This is just something I go through, it was makes me a stronger more appreciative mother.

This picture is of me, Tammy and my grandmother who passed away last year.
I bet they are hanging out in Heaven together.