Sad Sad Day coming up

Tomorrow will be the last day my son Tyler will be with us. No he is not dying, thank heavens. But he is leaving.When we started the foster care Journey 3 yrs ago, we never knew that we would go from 1 to five kids in less than two years, we just thought we would get one child who would leave, then another and so on, but that was not what happened. Heavenly father had different plans for us.

He sent us Jacqueline, a happy, bubbly two year old who could talk your ear off. Her birth mother was pregnant and after much deliberation we decided that Jennedy would come into our home too, then I got pregnant and Trenton came along. We adopted the girls out of foster care and they became ours forever.

When we were asked to take Tyler, just 11 months ago, because our girls birth mom was pregnant again, we were not sure if it was what we should do. We had such young children, Trenton was only 8 months and taking on another infant sounded like a lot of work. After much discussion with Joe we decided that Tyler should stay with his siblings and we were told by the state that we would most likely get to adopt him sooner than later.

Well that planned changed.

We instead, were taken on a journey of faith. The birth mother did well, not perfect, but well enough that they will let her have him back. So now he is going back to her.

I wonder what I will say someday to Tyler when he is with us again, (which could very well happen.) When he asks why he did not get to live in a nice home, out of poverty and homelessness. Why he did not get to grow up with a father in his home. Why his sisters got to have a blessed life, raised in the gospel and he didn't.

I understand that his leaving is not my fault, I just hope that he does. If he blames anyone it should be his birth mother who took all of that away from him.

I love him, tonight will be our last night, and it hurts to think about. He is 11 months old, we have had him his whole life, why does he have to leave. It is just so hard. I am crying, my loss is great.

I have spent endless hours feeding him, sleepless nights up comforting him, hours of playing, teaching, loving and now he is leaving. OH It is just not fair!!!!!

Life is unfair! I want him to stay, I worry about the life that he will live, and the trials he will have, I will pray for him everyday as his mother, because I will always be his mother. Always!

OK, I am done rambling.


Tyler Honey,

Mommy loves you. She fought for you. Mommy and Daddy wanted you to stay with us, we hope you come back to us someday and that you can stay with us forever and be sealed to us for all eternity. We will miss, we will try our hardest to see you often and help you when ever you need help. If there was anything we could have done to keep you, we would have, but your birth mother loves you, she really has worked hard to get you back. I know that she will try as hard as she can to be a good mother, but if you ever need me I will always, always be here for you. I will always be your mother too, forever and ever you will be my son.

Love Mommy